Like many other devoted citizens of el-Ezzba Republic, I was horrified by the news of Abu Gamal’s death.

How could our leader just pass away like that?! But then I smelt a rat… It had to be one of Abu Gamal’s genius tricks… faking his own death, to know who the enemies are (those bastards who will cheer his death) from his devoted followers who will all commit mass suicide grieving for him (and tab3an to make sure Gamal follows the line, and doesn’t, la sama7 allah, denounce his reign).

So, I embarked on an odyssey that took me to the Nile Valley and the Sinai Desert, searching for Abu Gamal, yearning to kiss his hands again, and learn from his wisdom which all Western diplomats stationed in the Ezzba never ceased praising. My odyssey was full of dangers. I almost died… I encountered one-eyed monsters, State Security officers, and the flying Phantom of the Shoubra…

… till, alhamdolilah, I discovered the truth. Abu Gamal is alive and well. Indeed, he faked his own death, and left el-Ezzba only to open a new fast food place in Nasr City, called “Amo Hosny” (Uncle Hosni), ensuring healthy food reaches all the Ezzba’s citizens.

The menu includes many yum-yum-yum items, like Spicy Alexandrian Liver, Oriental Sausages, and Bikini Hot Dog… but la creme de la creme, is the Uncle Hosni Burger.

I decided to try the Uncle Hosni Burger… and WOW ya shabab! Uncle Hosni is composed of two pieces of meat, and they fried an egg on top of them. I held Uncle Hosni with my hands, not knowing where to start. I started biting Uncle Hosni from the left, and then biting Uncle Hosni from the right, and then I took a bigger bite from the middle, and only half of Uncle Hosni was still there. I couldn’t leave Uncle Hosni till my stomach was full… and it was…

Eating Uncle Hosni gave me strength and power all throughout the rest of the day… It was worth the odyssey…

Eat Healthy Food… Eat Uncle Hosni….